Judgment of True Blood Season 7, Episode 2: I Found You

Tags

Alexander Skarsgaard, Eric and Jason, Eric has hep v, Final Season, judgy bitch, Lafayette, Nelsan Ellis, television review, True Blood, true blood season 7

This show!  This fucking show!  I am so sad it’s the last season, but I will say, HBO is going out with a bang!  If the first episode blew my mind, last night’s second episode rocked me to the core!

The opening scene, oh my god, the opening scene!  Finally, beloved Viking shows his stunning face as his talk slim frame walks through a stunning hotel, being followed by someone, and we quickly find out that someone is Jason!  Eric makes a martini, Jason confesses that he can’t get Eric out of his head, and tries to undress Eric, in only the goofy way Jason can. Next thing we know, shirts are off, and Jason is on top of Eric on the bed, touching and kissing, and shuddering.  And just when it’s about to get reallllly good, friggin cut to Jason sitting in a pew in church in Bon Temps having a damn dream!  Damnit!  So, is Eric really back, or is that all I get?

Well, the episode goes on as Sookie, Sam, Alcide, Andy and Jason go searching for Holly and Arlene and hope talking to the dead girl in the woods’ family at a neighboring town will help them.  Well, surprise surprise, they arrive only to find the town empty.  And while they’re out trying to find answers, the townspeople of Bon Temps are revolting against Sam’s plan of letting vampires help keep them safe and staying inside.  They take Andy’s fairy daughter and one of Holly’s boys and toss them into jail once they figure out she’s got magic.  Jessica vows to Andy to save her the minute the sun goes down.  Blah blah blah…all that was pretty boring.

The other fun storyline, however, was Tara’s bat shit crazy mama jonesing for V so that she can see Tara in a drug induced haze and has the balls to go to Lafayette for it.  Lafayette, oh my darling, fabulous Lafayette.  He is perfectly acted by the genius that is Nelsan Ellis, and this week’s episode was as delicious as always.  He puts his Auntie in her place, refuses to give her a fix, and expertly points out that we are all currently living in hell.  He’s amazing, and mesmerizing in only the way a Juilliard trained actor can be.  Bravo!  Well, crazy Mama figures out that if she hurts herself, Eric’s stupid little sister will let her drink from her, so she, wait for it, places her hand on a hot cast iron skillet on the stove!  ON PURPOSE!  This was so wrong, that i couldn’t watch her do it.  Shudder!  She gets what she wants, though, and does see Tara…hung on a cross…with a big yellow snake slithering on her body…speaking in tongues.  Mama goes even more nuts.  It was fantastic!

But the most impactful moment of the episode was the moment Pam finally finds my viking.  And this is what she sees:

And I can’t even talk about it, I’m so upset.

Your thoughts on this episode?  My verdict: amazing as always, with a fucking sad ending! 😦

Happy Judging,

JB

Judgment of Undateable 6/26/14 Episodes Low Hanging Fruit and Daddy Issues

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daddy issues, judgy bitch, low hanging fruit, NBC, television show review, tom cavanagh, Undateable

Let’s start with Low Hanging Fruit, shall we?  Commitment Issues, Penis Naming, and Susan Sarandon’s daughter!  This episode rocked!!!!  The beautiful Eva Amurri Martino plays Sabrina, who is Danny’s current girl of the moment, as well as Leslie’s bestie.  

Sabrina has kept Danny’s interest for a month, and Justin feels the need to meddle to force Danny to try a ‘real’ relationship.  I’m sure you can all guess how that ends up.  It’s fantastic!  In the meantime, some guy has named Brett’s penis something terrible, so Leslie decides to help him rename it something more appropriate.  Fantastic writing, amazing comedic delivery, and you just have to watch it for yourself!

 

Now, Daddy Issues involves Justin’s dad coming for a visit, played by the yummy Tom Cavanagh who is slick and charming and charismatic, and Justin clearly is not thrilled to see him.  Come to find out, Dad abandoned Justin when he was 13 to pursue a singing career.  Justin’s birthday party is around the corner, and he wants his dad to leave before the party.  In a strange flip of plot, Danny decides to intervene and meddle in Justin’s life, and gets Dad to agree to stay for the party.  However, Dad’s flakiness rears it’s ugly head, and he bails at the last minute to go do a gig.  Justin is hurt and angry, and lashes out at Danny.  In the best scene of the episode, Leslie comes over to see how Danny is doing, and he’s soooooo drunk.  Stupidly, slurringly drunk, and it’s sad and hysterical all at the same time.  He has a very human moment of admitting that he feels badly that Justin is hurting, and blames himself.  At that moment, Justin comes out of the bedroom in an outfit that you just have to watch the episode to appreciate.  He’s super drunk as well.  They are ridiculous together, and I applaud the acting in that scene.  Daddy returns at the end of the episode, thanks to more Danny meddling, but this time it’s for good and not evil.  And Justin finally gets one over on his father by singing his face off.  Of course, Tom Cavanagh can’t sing at all, so there wasn’t much of a challenge.  That was disappointing.  I wish they’d cast an actor who could really sing, so that the challenge would have been better for Justin.  But Tom Cavanagh was yummy, as he always is (loops, my daddy issues are showing), so I forgive the bad singing.

In a side plot, Shelly messes with Sabrina and takes over her job for 48 hours as a waiter at the bar.  His marijuana speech is hysterical.  And something fun happens to Danny whenever you say ‘butterscotch’, which, again, you need to watch the episode to find out.

Watch last week’s episodes on NBC.com, sweeties, and tell me your thoughts.  My verdict:  I love this show like a fat kid loves cake!

Happy Judging,

JB

Judgment of Jason Mraz and Raining Jane – Yes! – Long Drive

Tags

album release, album review, Jason and Jane, Jason Mraz, judgy bitch, Live at the Avocado Ranch, Long Drive, love of music, music, new music, Raining Jane, true artist

For those of you who don’t know, I have loved Jason Mraz’s music for years! His soulful, easy sound always puts me in a good mood, or a frisky mood, depending on the album. His lyrics are original and moving and his rhythms are mesmerizing.

His new album is coming out, and I must say, I was hesitant at first to see my beloved Jason surrounded by a bunch of chicks known as Raining Jane. I’d heard of the album, being released July 15th, called Yes! but hadn’t had a chance to listen to the music. Then the presale came out, and my oh my, what these four women have added to the melodic charisma that is Jason Mraz is magical!

They did a concert at Jason’s avocado ranch and filmed it to introduce this new album to the world, and I must say, the marketing is genius! It’s just these five musicians set up in a circle, with warm lighting, a gorgeous rug beneath their feet, playing their wonderfully chill music. These five #jasonandjane , sound like they’ve been playing together forever, and I must say I’m a huge fan.

Sadly, they are not brining the concert near the House of the Judgy Bitch, so I won’t get to see them, unless they add some dates! But if you are close enough to see this concert, I highly recommend it. I’ve seen Jason in concert multiple times, and he never disappoints. He’s the real thing, a true artist, and this collaboration is producing stunning music.

Take a watch of this video as this is my favorite of the songs released so far: Long Drive.  I would also recommend you do a search for the other songs from the album that have been released to those of us who pre-ordered the album: Love Someone, Back to the Earth, Hello You Beautiful Thing, 3 Things, and You Can Rely on Me. Let me know what you think!

Verdict: Fantastic! Thank you, Jason Mraz and Raining Jane for your art! We are the better for it.

Happy Judging,

JB

Judgment by the House(Boy) of Steven Tyler at Milan Fashion Week…Dude Looks Like a Ladaaay!

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dude looks like a lady, fashion police, judgy bitch, milan fashion week, people magazine, steven tyler

Judgment by the House(Boy) of Steven Tyler at Milan Fashion Week…Dude Looks Like a Ladaaay!

I don’t even know where to start with this.  Steven Tyler’s old ass actually stopped my heart cold for a second when I saw him in these getups.  And while I love the designers he’s wearing, I’d prefer to see them on the sleek young hangers known as models that parade them on the runway rather than this old hag!  I can write no more than this, because I can’t force myself to look at these photos any longer.  But he looks so deliciously ridiculous, I begged Her Honor to let me share this for anyone who may have missed it whilst perusing People.com today.

Shiver!  I can’t place a verdict, as that belongs to Her Honor, but this little house boy needs to rinse my eyes out to wash away the vision I saw of these ensembles.  And perhaps a red headed slut shot (or 10) to erase it from my memory.

Happy Judging!

Blaine, the Judgy Little House Boy

Judgment of NBC’s Summer Comedy – Undateable

Tags

Bianca Kajlich, Brent Morin, Briga Heelan, Chris D'Elia, comedy, David Fynn, judgment, judgy bitch, NBC, new show, Rick Glassman, Ron Funches, series, television review, Undateable

Well, well, well, well, well…NBC, I was not ready for this little morsel you have given to the masses to help pass the hot Summer Thursday nights!!!  Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if you have not already experienced it, let me introduce you to the world of Undateable!  This amazing ensemble cast combined with stellar writing has made this Bitch literally LOL at least once in every episode, and that’s no easy feat, being as Judgy as I am. Bill Lawrence and Adam Sztylkiel are a phenomenal pairing that has brought an interesting and original show to my standing Thursday lineup.  This show chronicles a group of friends struggling through ‘undateable’ times in their lives for various reasons.  Whether it’s recently divorced, player, or out and out social awkwardness, there is something we can all relate to in this show.  Let me introduce you to the players:

Danny Burton, played by the hysterical Chris D’Elia, is one half of the hero duo in this show, is fast talking, quick witted, and stupidly attractive.  He’s got opinions for days on how everyone around him should live his/her life and is far from shy on expressing those opinions, and he does so in the best way possible: with judgy humor! (a man after my own heart!)  He does look like, to quote the show, “Jesus if he lived in Seattle”, complete with Fonzy leather jackets and super tight hipster pants for most of his ensembles, and I’m not mad about it!  A new woman every night, a new quip for every situation, this is my favorite character in the show!

Danny’s favorite target for judgment is his new roommate, Justin, aka Baby Bird, played by the incomparable Brent Morin.  Boyish good looks, conservatively dressed, and with a voice like an angel dropped from a 90s boy band, this little whipper snapper is a perfect yin to Danny’s yang.  He’s sweet, sensitive and understanding.  And when it comes to dating, he’s down right pathetic, but in the most adorable way.  He yearns for Danny’s knowledge of women and life, but yet walks around like he knows stuff on his own.  *Spoiler Alert*, he doesn’t.  But watching him drink from the fountain of Danny’s street smarts and feminine manipulation makes for damn good television, especially when it comes to wooing the beautiful barmaid who works at the bar that Justin owns.

Enter Nicki, played by the beautiful and voluptuous Briga Heelan (some of you may know her from the hilarious Ground Floor on TBS), who is the object of Justin’s affection, and as is per usual in any good series comedy, is completely clueless about how he feels. Moment of silence to remember the grandeur of the Rachel and Ross days.  Siiiiigh.  Ok, back to Nicki and Justin.  Sad attempt after sad attempt to woo Nicki has Danny stepping in and meddling to get Justin the girl of his dreams, and shocker, it totally works.  Justin and Nicki are quickly a sugary sweet couple who make you want to throat punch them both, but they just are so damn cute together you just smile and wish them well along with the rest of the gang.

First up from the gang, is the other bar tender at Justin’s bar, Brett, played by David Fynn.  Oh, this beautiful Brit has a sexy accent and twisted sense of humor mixed in with the insecurity of recently coming out of the closet!  He’s awkward and funny and a total pussy when it comes to approaching any man.  I do love the newbies.  He is lovable though, and we are hoping he gets a boyfriend stat, because that bear needs him a big daddy to show him the way!

Next, we have the irritatingly misogynistic, and hopelessly pathetic Burski, brought to life by comedian Rick Glassman.  This kid looks like the goofy glasses kid from the Robin Williams movie Jack all grown up and getting shut down by women on the daily.  Well, more like on the hourly by Burski.  For being as socially awkward as he is, there’s a certain confidence about him that will make you crack up when he throws out a gangsta saying, or something to blatantly offensive without a care of who it offends.  And good for him!  He’s not as judgy as Danny, but he’s close.  I’m a fan.  And my most favorite part of Burski’s role is his ‘relationship’ with Danny’s older sister.

Enter Leslie.  One of my favorite actresses, Bianca Kajlich of Rules of Engagement fame, plays Danny’s recently divorced older sister.  She’s sassy and brassy and yet sweet at the same time.  She’s the den mother to this gang of misfits, and fits right in with them.  She’s doing what a lot of women in their 30s do, which is re-enter the dating world after a stupid marriage ends. Not that I’d know, or anything. Winky face.  She has a non-moment with Justin in the pilot episode, and is the object of Burski’s desire through all the episodes thus far. Her relationship with her brother is both heart warming and realistic in the way they connect.  She isn’t afraid to call him on his shit, and hard as he tries, he can’t bullshit her, cuz she knows him too well.  She bonds with all the boys in the bar, as well as has a great rapport with Nicki.  But the best writing for Leslie is that for the scenes she has with the character played by Ron Funches: Shelly.

Shelly is a large and in charge Detroit native who is so proud of his city, every article of clothing he wears has Detroit on it somewhere.  He fills the token black guy card and does it brilliantly.  His lines are short and sparse, but pack a punch because his delivery and timing are spot on!  This man’s facial expressions and slight lisp narrate the moments in the episode fantastically!  He’s silly, nosey,  judgy and honest to a fault, and j’adore him!

So, for those of you virgin to the series, now you know!  Get out there and pop that Undateable cherry and let me know how it goes!  It’s On Demand, on NBC.com and Hulu as well!  If you like to laugh, this will satisfy your craving.  And be sure to come back here and comment and let me know if you enjoyed it as much as I did.

If you’re an Undateable addict already, tell me your favorite moments in the comments.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Verdict:  Emmy worthy!  Look out Modern Family, this group of nerds are coming for ya!

Happy Judging!!

JB

Judgment of True Blood – Season 7, Episode 1 – Jesus Gonna Be Here….Or Not!

Tags

anna paquin, entertainment, erik northman, judgy bitch, new blog, tara's dead, television review, true blood season 7

I know so many people who were anxiously awaiting the premier of the final season of HBO’s beloved True Blood, myself included!  I invited friends over, I set the DVR, I popped popcorn, poured myself a glass of my favorite red in honor of the mayhem about to be enacted on my television and was ready for some blood!  And I was not disappointed.  At first.

The recap reminded me, not only about the whole vampire needs a human/human needs a vampire business, but that with the killing of Warlow, my glorious Norse God was set to flames as the last season came to a halt.  And I said to the room, “If Erik doesn’t come back in this episode, I’m not watching this damn show anymore!”

Well, the opener had a gaggle of infected vampires attacking the little bbq being held outside of Bellefleur’s (fka Merlotte’s) and all the humans ran for their sad little lives.  Not all were lucky enough to be spared.  Some of my favorites, Arlene (I do love her flaming red hair) and Holly (gotta love a white trash witch) were snatched off into the woods along with Sam’s pregnant shifter baby mama.  The regular studs did their best to fight off the vamps, oh to watch Jason and Alcide flexing and punching and mmmmmm!  Yummy!  And not to be outdone, Miss Tara bared her fangs and went after this mountain of a man who threatened to kill her mama!  A strange slow motion, yet sped up fight scene showed Tara take a lickin’ and keep on kickin’!   Until the battle was over and bat-shit-crazy-mama informs the group that Tara is dead.  (Insert loud gasp, hands tossed in the hair silence before the cursing erupted inside the House of the Judgy Bitch)

“What the fuck?” was the general consensus of the moment.  We are about two and a half minutes into the damn episode, and Tara’s dead?  Tara?  Dead?  Are you fucking serious?!?!   The second question asked by the room collectively, “And where the hell is Pam!”  Blaine, my judgy little house boy reminded us all that Pam released Tara from her as her maker, so she wouldn’t know what the hell was going on in Bon Temps!  Tara’s dead.  Tara is fucking dead.  I am not happy, and this seriously pissed me off!

Moving on, however, because we have 50 more minutes of episode to judge, let’s move back to the fact that Jessica is just hanging outside of Andy Bellefleur’s house trying to make up for the fact that she sucked three of his half fairy daughters dry of all their delicious honey flavored blood by protecting the last one left, and it’s just friggin pathetic.  Andy gets a call telling him Holly has been taken, so he has to rush out, trust that his innocent daughter won’t be stupid enough to invite the murderer of her sisters in the house to go look for her, but not before verbally slapping Jessica across the face with the words we were all slapped with a few minutes earlier:  Tara’s dead.  I admit, I gave an eye roll as the news caused Jessica to do her famous blood tears, I swear, that girl just isn’t happy unless her mascara is running down her face in a pool of blood.  And what does any girl do, when she finds out her bff has been turned into a pile of goo?  She calls her hot, hunky, boyfriend of course!

Let’s pause for a moment to discuss how absolutely stunning this boy is?  Thank you, Luke Grimes for being this amazingly gorgeous James Kent to life!  Your deep voice and smoldering good looks make this Judgy Bitch very, very happy!  Swoon!

Ok, back to the judgment, so the delicious Mr. Kent has decided to be Lafayette’s vampire for the moment, and with Tara dead (again!), they end up back at Lafayette’s boudoir for some much needed herbal refreshment.  We get to hear the turning story of Jess’s man, and find out that he was turned in the 70s, partakes of the herb, oh, and is at least bisexual, if not a gay man, with the telling of the death of his best friend in the Vietnam War, and how said friend’s homophobic father beat James Kent within an inch of his life, and he would have died as well if a local vampire hadn’t taken pity on him.  There’s a moment, perhaps I imagined it, but I don’t think I did, where the chemistry fires ignited between Lafayette and James, and all I could think is, look out, Jess, cuz you’re not match for Lafayette, girl!

The episode went downhill from there, in my humble opinion.  Sookie can hear everyone judging her with their thoughts (and good on them!) and has a melt down with Alcide, but manages to apologize the best way she knows how: stripping down to her perky boobs and pressing her naked ass up against him and saying ‘I’m Sorry.’  Ugh, this girl, I swear.  Although, good for Miss Anna Paquin having her body look that good after having babies!  Go ‘head, Miss Thing!

Let’s wrap the rest of this quickly, as I started to not care, myself, other than I kept waiting to get a glimpse of my beloved Erik Northman.  Sookie goes to church only to be shunned by Tara’s mother, blaming her for Tara’s death in the best hypocrisy moment to date.  Shocking, I know.  Sookie pleads to the congregation to let her help, and they just stare at her.  The humans are being held at Fangtasia awaiting to be lunch for the infected ones.  Some creepy infected old pig of a vampire and Jessica have a standoff at the Bellefleur house for the blood of Andy’s daughter.  This lasts to sunrise where dumb girl invites Jessica in to save her from the sun.  Jessica doesn’t eat her, but runs to the attic to avoid death.  The creepy pig guy explodes in the sun.  Pam plays a weird game of Russian roulette in Marakesh, and is searching for Erik, who, never friggin shows up in this episode!  Oh, and Jason finally got to fuck his vampire keeper, and it was all kinds of hot and dirty and good for him!

All in all, I’d say it was an ok start, but I am not happy about Tara’s death.  I am not happy about Erik’s absence (and contrary to my rant at the beginning, since Pam is clearly looking for him, I’ll keep watching…for now).  But I am very happy I got to see Jason naked, that I got to see Anna Paquin remind me that she can act, and that the moment with Lafayette and James has wetted my appetite for amazingly scrumptious things to come in that story line!

My verdict:  Entertaining, but only mildly at times.

Until next time, kiddies!

Happy Judging!

JB

 

All Rise…

Tags

campy, comedy, entertainment, film, fun, judgment, new blog, over the top, reviews, television, theatre

The Honorable Judgey Bitch Presiding!

You may be seated.  And welcome to The House of the Judgy Bitch, Her Honor is so pleased to have you here.  Inside these walls she will discuss, and don’t forget judge, all the delicious things popular culture has to offer.  She will not discriminate, and will judge, most often with bitchy overtones, everything from television to film to theatre to music to celebrity goings on, and anything else that strikes her fancy.

I mean, let’s face it, we’re all constantly judging, aren’t we?  We all sit around and share our opinions with our friends about the GOT finale, or the Disney spin on the Maleficent movie, or that spectacle also known as Kim Kardashian’s ass and what god awful thing she draped on it today.  Well, here, at the Judgy Bitch, Her Honor is reviewing all that stuff with her friends in the hopes that you’ll join in the conversation through comments and sharing her posts.  And from time to time, I’ll join in and toss my own viewpoints in as well!

We must warn now, there will be foul language, and discussions of topics not suitable for the wee ones, so best to keep this for adult entertainment only!  Oh! Maybe Her Honor should review some of that type of film!  Wait, I digress.  Anywhooooo…As the Judgy Bitch is often off watching something new to judge in the deliciously bitchy way that only she can, I’ll keep you all updated on her verdicts!

Hoping to chat with you all soon, kiddies!

Happy Judging!

Love,

Blaine, Judgy Little House Boy