Let us all bow our heads for a moment of silence for….Alcide! NO! WTF!?!?!?! Everyone is going to die in this final season, and it’s killing me! Ok, let’s start from the beginning.

Alcide, oh glorious, muscular, deep voice, growling Alcide, in all of his shirtless deliciousness comes down looking for Sookie and follows her scent through the woods to Vampire Bill’s house and beyond. And where is Sookie? In the car with Vampire Bill, who, looks old. Like really old! It’s not ok.

Anyway, they’ve decided to use Sookie as bait to attract the infected vampires to find out where Arlene and Holly and Sam’s baby mama are being held. Campy banter ensues, but big whop, it’s just Sookie and Bill doing the boring thing they do.

Meanwhile, Pam and Eric finally discuss his infection, and there is a flashback to the 80s when Pam and Eric were in France, and Eric was naked for most of that flashback, and I approve! I seriously approve! My beloved Viking was sexy as hell as he gave it to pretty little Sylvie. But his, “Biting, sucking and fucking” as the Authority calls it has drawn too much attention, and there’s a Japanese corporation about to create something called True Blood, and they want Eric to fall in line with their plans. Pam says fine, and Eric, as usual, tells the Authority to fuck off. The Japanese send a gaggle of samurai sword carrying badasses to confront Eric, managing to capture both Pam and Sylvie, and they make Eric choose which one to save. He chooses Pam, which I loved, but oh, those nasty samurai killed her painfully. It was mean. After the flashback, Eric tells Pam he’s just going to die, and no longer cares, but then she reminds him that the skankfaced Sarah Newlin is still alive because Jason let her go. Eric is suddenly motivated and off we go to California for a little Indian Delight.

Ms. Holier than Thou but will fuck anything that will offer her salvation is living in a guru’s compound, and she’s practicing more than one type of yoga. After watching her ride the guru to a tantric orgasm, she heads off to get a bottle of wine and the samurai arrive, yes the same ones that claimed Sylvie only moments ago, and decapitate the guru when he won’t give up the Skank’s location. She may have dodged that sword, but she won’t survive once Eric finds her. He’s infected. He’s pissed. And he’s Eric fucking Northman, so he will win in the end! She’s going to die, and I’m sooooo excited for it!

Sookie’s plan to capture the vampires sort of works, but not before the angry townspeople of Bon Temps blast off quite a few rounds landing at least three into Alcide. The infected vampires are killed in the mayhem, but in the end, Alcide doesn’t make it, and a wet, blood dripping from her hair, Sookie is crying over his body. I read in an article that when Joe Manganiello read that he was finally going to hook up with Sookie, he was all, “Well, I’m dead.” And yes, baby, yes you are, and we will miss that chest and those abs and those arms and those shoulders….ahem, forgive me.

The best storyline of the night (Ok, after naked Eric having all kinds of sex) was Lafayette entertaining Jessica’s soldier boy again. Soldier boy explains how vampires can’t swallow pills, and so LaLa creates himself a little cocktail of pills, and then lets Soldier Boy take a drink! There’s bonding and talking, and confession of attraction! (WAHOO!) And I’m gonna need to see some boy on boy action next week, people! Cuz it’s hot and I’m ready! Lafayette is do some love, and if it’s at the Baby Vampire’s expense, so be it!

I mean, watch him work it in this clip to open the scene and you will to:


Go ‘head, Miss Girl!!

Verdict: Sad episode with a whole lotta sex, so thumbs up for me! Looking forward to next week to find out who they kill of then.

Happy Judging,